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Things you never want to hear from podiatry patients

Discussion in 'Podiatry Trivia' started by Robertisaacs, Aug 29, 2007.

Tags:
  1. MJJ

    MJJ Active Member

    From an elderly lady who seems to have a bit of dementia:

    "I have an amazing memory, it just doesn't seem to be mine."
     
  2. Kara47

    Kara47 Active Member

    " I washed my feet last week" ( and was proud of the fact!)

    On being told he had interdigital tinea...
    " Oh, I know how to fix that. I used to have a Maltese Terrier & he'd lick & lick my toes. Maybe I should get another one" ( last one died from what dread disease?)

    Or the diabetic who says " I can eat whatever I like now, I take this medication..."
    Cheers, Kara
     
  3. Fraoch

    Fraoch Active Member

     
  4. MJJ

    MJJ Active Member

    Here's one I had with a patient's daughter.

    Daughter: Why didn't you cast my mom for orthotics?
    Me: Because she said no.
    Daughter: Well, why didn't you do it anyway?
     
  5. Perthpod

    Perthpod Active Member

    Re: Things you never want to hear from patients

    Hahaha, Peter. Pub consults are my new fave thing to do on the weekend. Did an insole addition and fitting in a restaurant the other night lol
     
  6. Mike Plank

    Mike Plank Active Member

    Re: Things you never want to hear from patients

    Hope you washed your hands afterwards!

    From a patient today... "Will I be able to get my shoes on with that dressing?"
    I would have liked to say "Of course not, I just enjoy watching my patients try" but I didn't.
     
  7. Perthpod

    Perthpod Active Member

    Re: Things you never want to hear from patients

    Bahahaa, I always get that one. I think..hmm no, I'm sure that extra 2mm on your PIPJ may even impede your driving.. and possibly getting into bed.. We should take it off.. don't even know why I put if on.. in fact I'm not entirely sure why you didn't just go to the dentist instead...Well that's if I actually did think about it
     
  8. Mike Plank

    Mike Plank Active Member

    This whole thread should be re-titled 'Patients; Don't you just love em?' Things they say every day make you smile, makes the day fly by.

    I have been tempted to put up a sign outside 'Podiatry While-U-Wait' and sit back to see the reactions.
     
  9. j1nxst3r

    j1nxst3r Member

    Re: Things you never want to hear from patients

    Or even worse than calling Mrs Smith Mr smith...

    Pod - "When is the baby due....?

    Pt - ...... You cheeky sod I'm just BIG BONED!"

    *yipes*
     
  10. SingaPod

    SingaPod Member

    From Patient's/general public:
    -So do you do fingernails as well?
    -I've never been to see the Pederast before......
    -So this is for my feet then?
    -So what's your real job then?
    -Them: So what do you do then? Me: I'm a Podiatrist. Them: Ah well not everyone can be a Doctor eh.....

    Doctors/Nurses:
    -He needs his fingernails cutting..... Gah!
    -Oh she always thrashes around and screams when you come near her, just hold her down..
     
  11. MJJ

    MJJ Active Member

    I heard this the other day:

    "I prosupinate."
     
  12. Saab

    Saab Member

    after asking my receptionist if her treating podiatrist is tall dark and handsome, I was told that after my receptionist's answer, the patient proceeded to say...: "well tell him to watch out cause i'll might just rape him"

    Now I know what your thinking but I gave her the benefit of the doubt and saw her.

    Patient:"My feet are my erogenous zone....."
    me: ok..
    after some time in treatment,nail filings starts.
    Me: Are you ok?"
    Patient: "Yes, i mean you know, my feet are my erogenous zone...:
     
  13. Fraoch

    Fraoch Active Member

    Winter brings many nasty bugs to our clients, especially the elderly. Over these months I tend to wear a mask most of the time to reduce my own chances of cathing or spreading germs.

    However last week I was most glad I kept the mask on the hide my mirth.

    One of our octogenarians "escaped the quarantine at the home to come have my feet done." To which I replied "Goodness, is it the flu going around your residence?".

    Nope. "They said it was the Walmart Virus".
     
  14. W J Liggins

    W J Liggins Well-Known Member

    Be careful.....Many years ago there was a 'fad' for using Entonox prior to L.A. An attractive lady came into a colleague's practice for nail surgery and requested Entonox. She was noted to be breathing very heavily, reached out, grabbed my colleague's hand and proceeded to use it to massage her breast and managed to climax. The procedure was, as they say, otherwise uneventful. When she had recovered she simply smiled and said that she had become 'excited'. The attending nursing sister replied that she certainly had done!

    Bill Liggins
     
  15. markjohconley

    markjohconley Well-Known Member

    Goodaye Bill, I was reading this out to my good wife, next thing, I'm heaved off the computer chair and she's googling 'Entonox' ......
     
  16. louisa50

    louisa50 Active Member

    Sigh, was going to stop posting on here and go post on some more serious topics however.................

    Patient came in for an insole fitting...wearing flip flops, couldn't see what the problem was. I was sorely tempted to stick a 5 degree medial rearfoot post on the bottom of said flip flop and a semi compressed felt arch support on the top but I need to pay off more of my mortgage before being struck off the register.

    Patient numero deux as I finish doing her feet on a home visit while various green looking relatives wander in and out of the room:

    "We've all got novo virus but I couldn't wait any longer to have my feet done as my nails are so long (around 1mm of growth in reality).

    Me: You didn't think to tell me before the treatment.

    Patient: Blank look of incomprehension.
     
  17. johntee721

    johntee721 Member

    I've had a few frisky octogenarians recently....One exclaimed as I was on my knees in front of her 'Well its been a long time since I've had a young man on his knees before me'

    Another lady whom I visit has a bit of a hearing issue and was relying on her daughter to translate if you like....I came to see her at 1 o'clock as i'd arranged 8 weeks prior and she'd forgotten I was coming...her daughter asked her what time she'd like me to come back later in the day to see her and she answered 'About 11pm, thats my bedtime...you can come and tuck me in if you like' Needless to say as a relatively young fellow not used to being flirty with the elderly I was at a loss for words after these two encounters
     
  18. 1. "I thought I came in with 10 toes"?
    2. Oops, sorry doc, I was in a hurry and forgot to put on any underwear (as the Midmark chair raises the patients feet to eye level)
    3. "Well "THEY" say......."
    Footnote: Who the heck are these mysterious "They:?? When I hear that word, I think of those Supreme Court Of Krypton Judges in white on those high benches who were "know it alls" and judge, jury, and executioners, who banned those 3 criminals to that weird space triangle thing that was banned forever in space!
     
  19. Mike Plank

    Mike Plank Active Member

    I sometimes treat patients who have been to a well known British High Street 'Podiatry' chain. One asked recently what the difference was between a Podiatrist and a Chiropodist? I gave my standard reply of there is no real difference apart from the name. Then she asked, what then is a Shuropodist? and she spelt it out.

    My reply was "I have no idea!":confused:
     
  20. Lol how about I got this tablet from my grandson
     
  21. Fraoch

    Fraoch Active Member

    Not sure if I posted this one already.....

    Transatlantic call from my Mother;

    Parent: "I got a bunion last night"
    Me; (Good God I've been telling you for fifteen years to do this that and the other) "really? (but with scarcasm) how did that happen Ma?"
    Parent: " I have no idea, it's not like I ever wear shoes..... I'm always barefoot or in sandals"
    Me: (Hit head repeatedly with phone)
     
  22. MJJ

    MJJ Active Member

    "Yeah, can you get me in this afternoon? I had an appointment at 8 but I didn't make it."

    At least apologize for missing the 8 o'clock appointment.

    We had this message on our voice mail a while ago:
    patient: "Hi, I'm going to be about 15 minutes late for my appointment, traffic is really bad."
    voice in background: "It's going to be more like half an hour."
    patient: "I know, I'm just saying 15 minutes so they'll hold my appointment for me."
     
  23. FOOTDUDE

    FOOTDUDE Welcome New Poster

    Re: Things you never want to hear from patients

    Yup! Happened to me once too! He looked like a man but was a Sheila!

    I crawled back into my hole!
     
  24. FOOTDUDE

    FOOTDUDE Welcome New Poster

    OMG Awesome responses LMFAO!!!! Funny how my thread started and I wasn't sure if I would get many replies but BAMMO!!!! Thanks all!!!

    Friggin funny!!!
     
  25. Fraoch

    Fraoch Active Member

    Just this week I got someone asking about a prescription for their "suppository socks". Quite.
     
  26. HAHAH Robert...I like that internet one!

    Here's another one that drives me nuts:

    " Is it okay to give my old orthotics to my wife to wear once I get my new ones?!"

    GRRR!!!! Ya dude, that's why they call them "custom made"
     
  27. New One:

    ME: "Hi Mrs Smith, we have 6 of you booked in today (footnote: I politely turned away others to 'squeeze the family in' after 4 months of her pleading & sobbing to have all their orthotics replaced on 1 visit) but you are here on your own?"

    HER:"Oh right, the kids were too tired from partying last night & are still sleeping and the other 3 are home playing XBox and decided not to come"!

    At that moment, I farted (silently and smelly), left the treatment room for a large yell in the bathroom, took a Tylenol, and returned to the room with a smile!
     
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2013
  28. simonfeet

    simonfeet Active Member

    1. "Are my nails like tthis due to a lack of calcium?"

    2."How much?!!You must be a bloody millionaire!"
     
  29. klpage

    klpage Welcome New Poster

    This post has put a definite smile on my dial.

    My top 3 quotes from patients...

    1. Do you do finger nails too?
    2. so you must really like feet......
    3. Oh i walk bare foot all the time
     
  30. klpage

    klpage Welcome New Poster

    Oh and from an "interesting guy" after I took off my cardigan whilst checking his vascualr status ..

    "if you take more off it will surely get my heart rate going"

    :S awkward
     
  31. j1nxst3r

    j1nxst3r Member

    One thing i'm finding as a 2nd yr Pod student is the way pt's seem to become 'Doctor's' as soon as they sit down in the chair...

    Had a Type 2 Diabetic pt complain bitterly to my Clinical Educator whilst on placement, totally convinced that due to a vascular tuft haem, the foot would have to be amputated!

    Needless to say, I just cracked on with a dressing, after a smile & nod from the CE and she went on to offer 2 appointment slots just to check the "wound."

    CE: .. How about tomorrow?
    PT: .. Nope, I'm at the pub tomorrow...

    <narrowing of eyes>

    CE: .. How about Monday?
    PT: .. Nope, am busy shopping that day...

    CE: ok, I've offered you 2 appts which you have declined.. Keep that dressing on for....


    I'm sure I'll get a lot worse than this but when they say 'There's nowt as queer as folk' they are NOT wrong lol.
     
  32. W J Liggins

    W J Liggins Well-Known Member

    Keep the faith, you'll get worse than this!

    Cheers

    Bill:bash:
     
  33. simonfeet

    simonfeet Active Member

    Re:things you never want to hear from patients(but actually makes yer day).
    1. This one years ago while a student."I've been coming here with my feet for years!"As though the patient was desperate to leave them at home!
    2. First time visit from elderly gent when asked what was wrong replied, "I've got painful balls".
     
  34. anthony watson

    anthony watson Active Member

    patient at a new assessment, first words were

    "If you don't fix my toe I will sue you" yep off to a flying start!!!!
     
  35. Mimi McNaull

    Mimi McNaull Member

    Cannot stop myself to share: I am second year student, four weeks ago was our very first practical orthotics tutorial with patients! Very excited, real patients! In group of three we had the folder, new patient, we have to assess him first, discussing nervously what exactly we have to ask and check etc. and… here he comes! Gentlemen, seventy something, raid in to cubicle and said: ‘’I need orthotics with 5 millimetres lateral post!’’ :confused: We were speechless and he continued: ‘’Few years ago I could barely walk. I have bowel legs and my knees were hurting me as a hell. They offer me a knee replacement but no way me to have an operation. So I started to treat myself. Every evening I have tied my legs above my knees with belt and had thick books between my malleoli. I am mechanical engineer and I know what I am doing! I WANTED MY MEDIAL CRUCIAL LIGAMENTS TO GET OPENED BECAUSE THEY ARE CAUSING ME THE PROBLEM! THE LATERAL LIGAMENTS ARE FINE BUT MEDIAL ARE SQUASHED. I’ve stayed like that as long as possible. Every morning I felt better and better and now – you see, I can walk! So now you have to give me orthotics with 5 or better 10 millimetres lateral post to help me walk with straight legs!’’ :eek:
    We needed our tutor urgent!!!
    When the gentlemen left we were asking ourselves was it our lucky dip today or all Ps are like this! :wacko:
     
  36. Peter1234

    Peter1234 Active Member

    Me: so your the dad? (To the man in bed) Yes....
    Lady next to his bed- he is my dad
    Man next to lady: she is my sister......

    Me cough, cough.... Well...good to see you!! See you again soon!! Made a quick exit
     
  37. anthony watson

    anthony watson Active Member

    this one was from a patient attending for the treatment of a neuropathic foot ulcer.

    When I said that his swab results were in, he said "did you find any micro orgasms in it" I had to bite my tongue to stop the laugh!!!

    How did he know about my sex life?
     
  38. Lizzy_b

    Lizzy_b Member

    I already tried everything
     
  39. clairefarquharson

    clairefarquharson Welcome New Poster

    ''Oh I just have a little bit of diabetes.''
    WHAT.
    :wacko:
     
  40. Ina

    Ina Active Member

    As an orthotic fitter I quite often hear this one:

    1. "Will it (a toe separator or a night splint) take away the bunion in a month?"

    Mostly from ladies in their 50s and 60s, in narrow-pointed shoes perfectly crowding their toes so that there's no space for any addition like toe separators. More often than not the lady is getting genuinely puzzled or even insulted by a suggestion to change her footwear: "But these are extremely comfortable shoes!"

    2. "Our orthopaedic doctor said we have to buy orthopaedic shoes because the child (7 months old, isn't able to walk independently) is a toe walker. No, he didn't mention any requirements regarding the shoes. Which shoes are right for us?"

    I always at a loss when their doctor (not infrequently) expects that sales people don't need any prescription and guidance.

    3. "Will these (prefabricated) insoles prevent flat fleet?"

    On my previous job we were instructed to answer something like: "Surely, because they put your feet into an anatomically correct position". People were always satisfied with this. Quite a lot upon hearing they have first of all to consult a specialist to establish what kind of pathomechanics they might need to prevent, are disappointed that there are no quick-cheap-fits-all-shoes-cure-all insloes.
     
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