Welcome to the Podiatry Arena forums

You are currently viewing our podiatry forum as a guest which gives you limited access to view all podiatry discussions and access our other features. By joining our free global community of Podiatrists and other interested foot health care professionals you will have access to post podiatry topics (answer and ask questions), communicate privately with other members, upload content, view attachments, receive a weekly email update of new discussions, access other special features. Registered users do not get displayed the advertisements in posted messages. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our global Podiatry community today!

  1. Have you considered the Clinical Biomechanics Boot Camp Online, for taking it to the next level? See here for more.
    Dismiss Notice
Dismiss Notice
Have you considered the Clinical Biomechanics Boot Camp Online, for taking it to the next level? See here for more.
Dismiss Notice
Have you liked us on Facebook to get our updates? Please do. Click here for our Facebook page.
Dismiss Notice
Do you get the weekly newsletter that Podiatry Arena sends out to update everybody? If not, click here to organise this.

When the sun shines

Discussion in 'Podiatry Trivia' started by Mark Russell, Dec 9, 2013.


  1. Members do not see these Ads. Sign Up.
    I wonder how many other colleagues share in wonderment the lives of some of our patients? One of my elderly ladies who I have seen regularly for the past decade took up residence in a nursing home on Friday, in some unhappy circumstances. Being widowed at 56 she lived alone without any relatives as far as I knew, until one day she confided she had a son who lived in Spain. He rarely visited following an argument between the mother and daughter-in-law many years previously. Hilary was a remarkably independent woman - and an active volunteer in the local church and charity organisations. Once a district nurse, she kept good use of her skills often visiting elderly and infirm parishioners in the town. Four years ago she started being forgetful and absent minded, occasionally at first, then with an ominous regularity. Two years ago she was diagnosed with vascular dementia. For about six months she was lucid enough to appreciate what was happening to her - she wanted to stay at home with help for as long as possible. She wasn't wealthy but had some savings and owned her own house - and could certainly manage private care. I assumed she had made some provision for the future when her son showed up unexpectedly one weekend - and stayed for six weeks.

    By the end of his visit, there was a significant deterioration in Hilary. Her son had taken her out each day - away from her usual routine - and she was physically exhausted when he returned to Spain. With the help of some neighbours and friends, she made it through last winter, though her dementia advanced significantly. Since then she has deteriorated more slowly but steadily and now needs someone with her for most of the day. I often get phone calls at 2am or later.

    A couple of weeks ago her son came back over and last week arranged her admission in a local nursing home - and not the best by far. Speaking to her GP on Friday, I discovered that the son and his wife had arranged a will with Hilary a couple of years ago and had gained power-of-attorney then. Hilary's pension covers the monthly nursing home fee - just - and her house is up for sale, the proceeds heading to Spain, no doubt.

    I got the distinct impression her GP was as disgusted as I was by developments and it will be interesting to see how many times the prodigal son return to see how she is doing - and I'm sure most will have witness other deeds in families, but ain't life unkind sometimes?
     
  2. Kaleidoscope

    Kaleidoscope Active Member

    Re. Your last sentence....sad but true and unfortunately more common than many of us would like to believe.
    Mark


    My best friend since I was 18 died aged 76 of a broken heart since neither her daughter nor her lodger cared for her once they realised a) the money was running out and b) she need a 'little' care instead of her being the carer. Unfortunately I was going through a divorce at the time and when my then-husband dropped her home after a visit she told him (for the first time ever) that she really didnt want to live anymore and felt SO alone. This was from a lady who always maintained an optimistic outlook on life and never wanted to burden anyone with her woes – despite being severally asthmatic and naturally thin despite all attempts to gain weight.

    Sadly my ex decided she was being melodramatic and neglected to tell me about this, and her ‘lodger’ who she adored, suddenly upped and left without a word other than a hastily written note that he was off – because at the age of 76 she had finally stopped working and the money (he feared) would dry up……

    Her daughter chose to ignore her phone calls or letters for 10 years (as evidenced by her returned letters piled up in her flat - unopened with rude letters written across in red stating that this ‘woman’ wasn’t fit to call herself ‘mother’) all because she wouldn’t turn the flat over to her daughter to pay off her debts.

    She was one of the loveliest people Ive ever known (for 42 years) and I saw her most months before my divorce and indeed every week when I worked in London. Not long before she died she told me that she had changed her Will and had left everything to me (a flat in St Johns Wood etc.) I told her to change it right back as I did NOT want that responsibility and that it rightly belonged to her daughter.

    Sadly on the day she died she rang my ex and told him how ill she was but he didn’t pass that message on either. She left a note to her daughter and a folder marked ‘When I feel blue’ addressed to me and in it was all the pictures of us together laughing on holidays etc. and all my poetry I wrote for her. She couldn’t get out of bed and died of starvation. I finally got the porter to open up her flat and she was found dead and alone.

    At the funeral her daughter was extremely nasty and didn’t want anyone to speak regarding her mother but I read a Eulogy poem I’d written as many friends begged me to speak. Her daughter afterwards stated that if I was such a good friend how come she left me NOTHING?? I replied that she left me something very precious and she retorted ‘I knew it! You have all her jewellery!’

    .....to which I stated ‘No she left me wonderful memories’.

    After all is said and done – it is only our memories and those that remember us that lives on or matters when times get tough. It taught me a valuable lesson – to try and live my life positively – whatever is thrown at me – as bad times are but a ripple in the pond of our lives and should not be given the chance to take hold and shape our future into a tidal wave of despair that finally engulfs us if we give it/them the power to do so.

    Sadly, the elderly, like the lady in your story, had her choices and power taken away from her, by such ‘powers of attorney’. Thus making a mockery for that which they were designed for – to help that person cope, rather than sink them into a future with only a dead-end.

    Thanks for sharing Mark – Ive remembered anew what a wonderful friend she was and how dearly she is missed – some 12 years on….

    Linda
     
  3. A precious gift and one well respected by the sounds of it. Makes you wonder how some people live with their conscience after incidents like these.
     
  4. Orthican

    Orthican Active Member

    Don't forget Mark....some people do not have a concience. And there are those that have one but refuse to aknowledge the cognitive dissonace it will sometimes provide. I had my stepfather steal from me for a period of two years before I confronted him about it when I found out it was him. He then just told me to mind my own business. Nice eh? Sort of makes one wonder who they can trust you know? But at this point years later it matters not to me anymore as I came to realize that people such as that do not function on the same level of self awareness and responsibility to others. They simply just do not care as long as they get what they want. Sad but true.
     
  5. Jacqui Walker

    Jacqui Walker Active Member

    Unfortunately I think we shall see a lot of this, especially when in private practice and doing domiciliary work. Nearly every child regardless of how old they are now has perceived grievances about their upbringing and getting older doesn't necessarily mean getting wiser - for both parties.

    On the flip side there are also those elderly clients who have been begged by their families to move in or move closer to them so they can look after them, and they have decided they don't want the change, they will miss all their friends and all the activities they currently do. Suddenly they're approaching or in their 90's and their friends have either passed away, moved away to be with family, or gone into various care establishments and they are really isolated and alone. Families are unable to make weekly visits because of distances involved - they too are getting older and infirm, bitterness creeps in and eventually you end up visiting a client in a care home because they had a fall at home, they're crying the whole time because they're lonely, no-one visits them, they don't have their own things around them, they don't like the food, the smells, the staff, the other residents, and one day decide to give up.

    I have fond memories of the above client who passed away in September, a lovely lady with whom I spent many joyful hours, but who couldn't/wouldn't see that one day she would really be on her own, she had a loving son and daughter in law who wanted her, but she wasn't prepared to give up the house/home she'd had since 1943.

    On a lighter note:

    MY ADVICE BE GOOD TO YOUR CHILDREN - THEY CHOOSE YOUR CARE HOME!
     
Loading...

Share This Page